Weight
by little.human.gal.pal
Summary: After "The Break-Up". Blaine and Kurt talk before Blaine leaves New York.


The talking to we didn't get to see…

At first, he forgot where he was.

He opened his eyes, just like any other morning, sat up and took a deep breath. Looked around.

Dread filled his stomach and a heavy feeling settled into his chest.

Even when they had been states apart, no matter how lonely or desperate he felt, Blaine could always feel Kurt. Blaine always knew that he was loved. Something inside of him hummed with it, a gentle buzz that reminded him he wasn't alone. As he looked around the room, a feeling of absolute emptiness took him. For the first time in almost two years, he didn't feel anything.

Kurt was gone.

Because he cheated. He_ cheated_ on the only person who had ever loved him more than they loved themselves. Kurt. His Kurt. He'd cheated on Kurt. The thought made his stomach churn.

He didn't get up right away. He twisted back onto his pillow, burying his face into the thick comforter and breathing in the smell of his boyfriend.

The weight on Blaine's chest grew. _Is he still my boyfriend?_

Shoving the offending cover away, he rolled out of the bed. The desire to fall to his knees was overwhelming.

_How could you._

Every step out of the bedroom was trying. His mind raced and his hands were shaking slightly as he braced himself against the doorframe and stepped into the living area.

Kurt was there. He didn't look up, even as the floor creaked piercingly under Blaine's step. Blaine stopped and stood still, looking.

A minute. "Kurt", his voice cracks. From leftover sleep or the current situation, he is unsure. "Kurt-".

"No", Kurt's voice was raspy as well. His faced was flushed and he sat with his head down, looking at the hands twisted in his lap.

Blaine waited. Even the sounds of the city couldn't block out the deafening silence. His throat tightened painfully.

"I thought I could do this," Kurt finally said. He didn't look up. "I thought I could be civil and talk this out with you. We could have a grown-up conversation and then put this whole mess in the past. But- I just. I can't- … I think you should go."

"Kurt-"

"I hope it was good for you. I really hope it was worth all this. I don't think you understand," Kurt cried.

Blaine's body sagged and he felt a familiar pressure in his face. "Kurt, of course it wasn't- I- it didn't mean anything to me. I know that I-"

Kurt's head shot up. "No! You don't know what you've done. You have no idea. Even if we get through this… Even if we stay together through this, you will never have my trust again. Never," His eyes locked with Blaine's. He didn't look angry or jealous. He looked regretful. Almost as if he knew they would work it out eventually, but that it will never be the same.

Blaine nodded, tears brimming in his eyes, and looked away. He couldn't stand seeing that look in the eyes of the boy he loves. "Babe-" his voice croaked foully.

"Don't. Don't call me that,"

Blaine felt the tears on his face, but did nothing to hide them. He did this to himself. The pain in his chest grew.

"Now, no matter what, I will always question myself around you. I'll constantly be wondering if I'm good enough. I will never feel like I can be myself, because obviously when I am it's not enough. I won't be able to touch you without thinking about how you touched him…" Kurt trailed off. His voice, which had grown louder, softened. "This is never gonna go away." He leaned down, resting his head in his hands.

Blaine raised a fit to his mouth trying to block out the quiet sob that broke from his chest at Kurt's words. He didn't know what to say. He was beginning to believe there was nothing he could say.

He took the few steps closer to Kurt, taking in his rumpled pajamas and sallow skin. He knelt down so they were level.

"It won't fix anything, but I'm so sorry. I never want to hurt you, Kurt. You're my guy," Blaine tried to smile. The goofy kind of smile that Kurt had once said made his days. This isn't how it was supposed to go. It's supposed to be Kurt trying to make jokes to ease the tension. Not Blaine. He tried again. _This isn't happening._ When it didn't work, he whispered, "I love you," and reached to dab a tear from Kurt's cheek.

Kurt tilted his face away.

As one last attempt at normalcy, Blaine tilted his head up to peck Kurt's cheek. Kurt moved away as far as possible, avoiding any and all of Blaine's touches.

"Please" Kurt pleaded. His shoulders started to tremble as his face finally crumpled. "Please go," his voice was thick and cut straight through Blaine's chest. "This conversation isn't over but I need you to leave."

Blaine nodded mechanically. He stood up, feeling a hundred times heavier than before. A feeling of numbness overtook him. He felt nothing but the weight pressing on his chest, threatening to break him.

He took one final look back at Kurt, looking one last time at the mess he'd made, before running to grab his carry-on and leaving.

As he shut the door behind him, the sound of the love of his life's sobs resonating through the empty hallway, he felt the weight collapse.


End file.
